


Families Are Evil

by skargasm



Series: Dream-Matched [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire (Teen Wolf), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22582765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm
Summary: Stiles and Derek deal with their parental induced trauma....
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Dream-Matched [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616236
Comments: 10
Kudos: 191
Collections: Ficlets: Stories from 100 to 1000 words





	Families Are Evil

“Firstly, I will never be able to look your father in the face again! And since I did you the great favour of saving you from my mother by meeting you at the back door, you will ensure that I **never** have to see him again!”

“Derek – “

“And secondly, what exactly has he seen in your search history to make him say ‘let your freak flag fly’?”

“Please, never utter those words again!”

Sighing, Derek got back to the subject at hand. Namely, his trauma. “My mother had diagrams, Stiles – not just basic pamphlets but actual diagrams!”

“I don’t understand – everything in my life was perfect and now all I can see in my head is my Dad talking about _’interests’_ – it’s got to be the best boner killer ever!”  
  
“I’m never eating a banana again!”

“Now I’m wondering what interests **he** has – surely I’ve died and gone to hell?”

“And how come she had a condom to hand? Or did she go to the pharmacy? Oh my God, what if they were hers?”

“They probably belonged to your Uncle Peter.” Derek came to an abrupt halt in his pacing, turning to look at Stiles with accusing eyes. 

“Thanks, now I have Uncle Peter parading around naked in my head with a banana!”

“Can I just say, far better imagery than if it was your Mom!”

“STILES!” 

“Derek, I would be lying to you if I said your uncle is not an attractive man.”

“Please tell me you’re just torturing me now – like when I told you about catching Erica and Boyd doing – “

“La la la la la! We agreed – that was **never** to be mentioned ever again!” Derek couldn’t hold back a smile at Stiles’ reaction – the other teen delighted in trying to embarrass him, so finally having something to use against him made a nice change. Feeling calmer, he sat down next to Stiles on the bed, quietly pleased when he automatically cuddled up close.

“Do you think they met up and coordinated what they were going to say?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me – our parents are devious and evil.” Without conscious thought, Derek allowed himself to fall back onto the bed, shifting so that Stiles could lie comfortably with his head on Derek’s chest.

“You know, for a while there, Laura was convinced my Mom was dating your Dad. She said she kept seeing them on lunch dates and such, and she said they looked pretty cosy together.”

“Derek?”

“Yes, Stiles?”

“Do you ever want to get laid?” Derek was confused about the change in subject.

“Well, hopefully, yes, although obviously there’s no rush – especially as, you know, things between us have only just begun really.”

“Then I sincerely suggest you never mention the idea of our respective parents bumping uglies ever again.”

“Fair enough.” They lay in comfortable silence together for a few minutes, Stiles’ hand stroking Derek’s chest. “Stiles?”

“Yes, Derek?”

“Do **you** ever want to get laid?”

“The possibility had occurred to me – more so lately of course.”

“Then may I suggest you never, ever refer to it as ‘bumping uglies’ again.”

“Touché!” Smirking, Derek watched with interest as Stiles moved up the bed until he was looking down into Derek’s face. “You know, my Dad _did_ have a point.”

“Oh, yes?”

“Well, about making sure our interests align.”

“Are you asking me about potential kinks I might have?” Derek watched, fascinated by the tide of colour that washed into Stiles’ face. “Or are you wanting to share some of your own?”

“What makes you think I have any kinks?”

“Stiles – you forget that before I gave you that ring, I was the person you told about your internet searches and what you found. I **know** you have kinks.”

“I don’t think Seven of Nine counts as a kink Derek.”

“No, but some of that werewolf fan-fiction you’re so fond of reading might.” Derek was treated to the rare sight of a speechless Stiles, but only for a short space of time.

“It seems incredibly unfair of you to use the knowledge gained from our friendship in this fashion.”

Moving swiftly and taking Stiles by surprise, Derek flipped their positions until he was looking down at Stiles' face.

“So, are you saying if I wanted to role-play as a certain werewolf from that show you like that you’d object?” He leaned down and buried his face in Stiles’ neck, mouthing at one of the red marks he had left previously. He smiled to himself when Stiles tipped his head back, arching his neck and letting out a low moan.

“Derek – “

“I think if I was a werewolf and I wanted to give you a mating bite, I would want to put it right. About. Here.” Derek was aware of Stiles gripping his back tightly as he mouthed down his neck with tiny, nipping bites. “Would you like that? If I held you down and – “  
  
“Mom says you have to keep your door open at all times when Stiles is in your room!”

“CORA!” Derek could hear his sister giggling as she ran off after shoving his bedroom door open, and with a rough sigh, he threw himself off of Stiles and onto the bed.

“I take it back – your entire family is evil!”

* * *


End file.
